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Angpoo's Demented Mind Below are the 30 most recent journal entries recorded in the "angpoo" journal:

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January 27th, 2011
07:17 pm
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hmmmmm....
tis like the desert in here.....

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October 3rd, 2010
12:47 pm
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love this song...
Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For I compose the music of the night

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing
Music is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight
Dare you trust the music of the night

Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn't what you want to see
In the dark it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be

Softly, deftly, music shall carress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind
Let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night

Close your eyes, start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes, and let music set you free
Only then can you belong to me

Floating (floating), falling (falling), sweet intoxication
Touch me (touch me), trust me (trust me), savour each sensation
Let the dream begin
Let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the
Help me make the music of the night...

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August 12th, 2010
11:17 pm
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6 months what!!!
just posting so I can say I posted I havent actually posted in 6 months I am seriously of the ball!!!

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January 24th, 2010
11:30 am
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random thoughts....
I was thinking about things as I always do, my always over analytical brain sometimes works overtime!! I ask for honesty from people so much, ever since I could remember. One hard thing for me to realize growing up that there are some people who just cant give it! I kept thinking its a default for people to genuinely want to be honest. This was hard for me understand growing up the way I did, it was a given in my family. I still struggle with the fact that some people will go out of there way to be so dishonest it makes my head spin. I will tell you right now I try to go out of my way to be honest, I am not saying I am a saint and never lie I am a human and to err is human to forgive devine, right? I try at least which is more than I can say for a LOT of the people around me.


What really burst my bubble is when I actually started getting some honesty. I didnt understand why I was hurting? I soon realized the truth hurts sometimes. Then I realized again the truth hurts less than dishonesty. So I would rather feel the pain of honesty than the pain of finding out someone lied!! If any one has ever seen the movie braveheart...a little to long for me but one scene in that movie proves my point when Mel Gibson's character realizes the bad guy he is chasing is his best friend...the look on his face is the look of when a friend hurts you to the core. That look is the look of pain from dishonesty.
My only complaint is I am around such deceit is my lack of ability to recognize it and get burned over and over again. Why am I so trusting, sometimes so much to a default. If I could only figure that one out.

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January 16th, 2010
02:11 pm
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weird dreams.....I wish I was fraud and understood more about what they meant...
ok I had some wacky dreams the other night so much so a few days later I still remember them enough to post about them...one being of a girl who I lost my mind over...I can say that now because I am over it...but at the time wondered if I ever would get over these feelings I thought at the time was love.....the reason this dream stuck with me and kinda freaked me out is because of the sensual nature of it and I pray to god those feelings never ever ever EVER come back...but it was like bill and sookie on true blood I was bill the vampire and I was glamouring and seducing this certain girl whos name will remain anonymous....and I got closer and closer and cradled her head in my hand and smelled her neck yes...its a dream I know but I digress...I started to gently kiss her neck up and down then it happens like a beast my fangs come out and I bite and start to suck the life out of her.....weird eh...not to much after that because my dreamed moved onto another more scary dream...I was on an airplane and older smaller one which immediately started falling from the sky and all I could think to my self was see this is why I dont fly....I am going to die...and the thought also was see when you fly when something like that happens there is nothing you can do to try to save yourself and it kinda really sucks...but I think my body felt me starting to wake from fear then switched to another scary dream....I was my my best buddy jory in this one we were hanging outside at night chatting when a bunch big burly men show up out of now where noticing the danger we try to move on from where we are jory was stopped in the direction he was going and I was stopped in the direction I was going then one of them walk up to me and tries to start seducing me I immediately know there intention jory trying to come to my defense they grab him and hold him down as the main guy starts to rough me up...and I start to cry as the guy knocks me down and starts to I guess attack me and all the while I am so scared and can also feel the fear of my friend jory because we both know these guys intensions and wonder if we will get out alive....I am absolutely scared to death at this point so much so it actually woke me up....and when I woke up my heart was racing and I was sweating and was hot as hell and breathing heavier than one would when sleeping.....freaked me out....took me a few to get back to sleep....whats does it friggin mean....

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January 5th, 2010
09:37 pm
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Writer's Block: What do you want to do before you die?
What do you want to do before you die?


definately see the world including europe all of it...and hawaii...among other places.....

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December 23rd, 2009
10:43 am
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welpers finally after over 2 years will be going to the yodel doctor(girlie doc) in lamens terms...in which I hate but yes it unfortunately is a neccesary evil!!!! must be brave.....whew!!

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November 19th, 2009
10:07 pm
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at least here I can post the whole thing......
She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planned it
I've got a key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
Because it never worked before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
Girl I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me
And who doesn't ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have a season
Round and round it goes
And every day's the one before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything that just feels better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I'd do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

I'm tired of holding on
To all the things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It's really getting old, and
I think I need a little help this time!

Yeah

[Guitar solo]

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

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November 13th, 2009
06:06 pm
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Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

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October 27th, 2009
09:21 pm
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argggggg.....
dude seriously.....why do things always have to suck wherever I am employed?  My KINGDOM...I mean it my KINGDOM...everything I have for peace!

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October 26th, 2009
02:01 pm
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has been far to long for a real post......
Welp was supposed to have a doctors appointment today for my many ailments...am trying to find a primary care physician since it seems no one really can help me maybe if I get a history at one place that can help... but  sometime this morning they called and cancelled on me...which deflated me....even though they had a good reason...this kind of shit always happens to me.......it seems every aspect of my life is like I broke a mirror...so to speak...I wonder why I bother with a lot of things sometimes...its as if I am always fighting....for something......when does the fighting stop and the healing begin???

Plus its starting to interfere with my creativity like right now I am off work early and want nothing more than to go walking around my grungy neighborhood with my camera....but cant for the worry and the pain my hip and back seem to be giving me lately.  I mean I listen to myself and hear what I am saying and I ask myself am I some 80 year old...seriously???  I know I def dont want to go to the place I used to be with this whole back thing...a very... how did I put it?? Dark and dreary tired and weary place!  Somehow I pulled myself out of before...if I go there again will I be able to pull myself up again????

I have also realized I should blog here from now on and that there are to many people I have to sway my thoughts and feelings around on my facebook.....hmp....dunno how that happened......but I am always the one who says"bee yourself...dont hide what you truly feel....shit like that....but alas...my pastor that saved me is on my facebook....if I perhaps have a wild n wooly evening with someone and want to post about it...well you can see my dilemma...I think I might try and see if my friends wanna start doing there livejournal again...this was the beginning for me....and I only recently realized how much I have been neglecting it and and how must I have stopped being my true self......and yes I do still have a monster crush on claire danes and zooey deshanel...however u spell there names......

I mean this is why I love music, art, poetry, photography, its like little ways to feel better by putting what I feel into that creative side of things...and if I were picasso right now I would definately be in my blue period....

ahhh there ya go my long awaited real entry.....been far to long....hopefully I will start posting here more often....until my next rant....

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October 18th, 2009
11:59 pm
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wow...
has it really been that long since I have been on here.......I almost forgot how....FACEBOOK rules.....I hardly ever go to any of the others anymore....everything u need is most likey on the facebook.......welpers i wanna cancel this but then i would lose all the greatness on almost what has it been now 6 years???? ta ta for now yet again....until next year I bet.....

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April 16th, 2009
05:38 pm
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la la la...
yup I am still alive.....though I dwell on facebook most of the time anymore if you wanna find me.......ta ta for now!

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March 9th, 2009
10:22 pm
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yeah cuz I am in the mood to post pics...so...ppphhhhtttttt!

laura prepon-that 70s show

dane cook- cool ass movies!

Hayden pantierre-heroes
jennifer carpenter-dexter

mary louise parker-weeds


kate walsh-private practice

ok im tired now til next time....whew!

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March 3rd, 2009
09:12 pm
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new crush!!!




and shes holding a doggie my heaven!

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March 1st, 2009
12:37 am
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more of the same...all from last year...been saving up for while...

A broken heart always mends itself
that stubborn heart never wants the help
most of the time its a heart of stone
wanting to be left alone
wallowing in pity never shown
the doubt, the shame, the open sore
leaves me able to crawl the floor
the fetal position, im under suspicion
I have a condition!
The difference between love and hate
could just be to know one's fate
to have a plan in all this mess
to make do with less and less

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It wasnt just a crush
the earth had moved
you all wanted me to hush
I wanted to be lewd
I cant help I fell
unfortunately I couldnt tell
I fell in the wrong direction
I needed some attention
she was my affliction
she took me deeper than Ive ever gone
awakened feelings I thinks a sin
now I only wish I knew
what this world wants me to do!

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the hours, the days, the months roll by
the SAME old things that make you cry
must you really? must you?
you dont see me? do you?
you cant show me? can you?
what a sad unfortunate soul
If only I could be so bold
and turn the tables

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My altered realm of reality
helps the light to seep n me
to much, to bad, oh well
cant stop the hounds of hell
I scream so loud no one can hear
I guess because theyll hear then fear
All this nonsense I cant tell
thats why tend to sit and dwell
in my altered realm of reality


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Its so obnoxiously quiet
im so gracefully crazy
your so poignantly repugnant
its so obviously hazy
Im so colorfully grey
your so morally lazy
Its so wrongfully righted
Im so blindfully sighted
your so posthumously plighted

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January 26th, 2009
06:11 pm
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I am going straight to hell...but maybe if I repent and say I have sinned god can forgive me! good lord what have I become?!?!?!

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December 23rd, 2008
08:13 pm
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just a thought.......
why is it in the last few years it seems i can only make friends with assholes???? hmmm hope its not a pattern!

I mean I know im no saint but everyone I meet is a lying fucking bastard! Is everyone out there like that and im alone in my thoughts???!!!???

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November 23rd, 2008
10:14 am
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wow a guitaar that tunes itself....COOOOOL!

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November 22nd, 2008
11:20 am
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having a fat week...pizza for lunch n supper yesterday choco cookies for at least 3 days in a row.....cheeze fries and cookies for breakast....i think i might need to work out this weekend....lol.....and um ok...dude...I wanna see twilight....and bond...and madagacar.....but I aint going by myself......so i guess i wont........ppphhhttt........now i think im gonna blow off andy and rob who I think might want to hang today and go visit the fam.....i have to pick up some stuff anyhoo......lets see anything else...o yeah my nose hates me my nose and the surrounding area of it are raw from me having to blow it so much and it wont stop....im even taking benadryl and it might take the edge off but my nose still runs its ridiculous.......i think im allergic to my apartment and outside and work...so im pretty much screwed....lol.......maybe it will settle out last time i had a flare up like this it took years for it to finally settle down...yay something to look forward to...woo hoo.....think that was around the time i was put on zyrtec....when it was an actual prescription...and it didnt work...and it cost 2 dollars a pill fuck that....so i will suffer along with the rest of kentucky....gotta love that valley.....ok until i think of anything else to talk about....toodles....

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November 13th, 2008
07:12 pm
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THANK GOD!

I have the internet again!  been with out it for almost 2 weeks.......

I have been stressed to the max lately.....did my friend who I hang out with some andy a favor.....it goes a little somthing like this.......andy quit....left his radio.......asked for it I said ok.....he told me he asked my other co worker who lives in the same building to bring it to him so I go to this co worker and ask if he is returnign andies radio...he says no andy gave me this radio.....he then says smooth move hes trying to sneak it out from under me blah blah blah....dont touch my radio.....im like ok so I go back to andy and ask whats up he says i told him he could use the radio.......then asked me to get it for him......this is when I should have said nah u and he need to work it out on your own....but nooooo....I take his radio to him....now my co worker is trying to get me fired for stealing........i have gone back and forth with I think everyone for a week......I think its about over.....the guy doesnt have a case....I returned property to its rightful owner who in which is going to talk to my union rep to clear things up.......i was told a simple phone call saying he didnt give him the radio will clear all this up...so andy said ok he will do that......so crossing my fingers this will be cleared up by tommmorow!

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October 23rd, 2008
09:22 pm
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eh hem......
abortion should be a choice a woman should be able to make!
Gay people should have rights...if they wanna marry so be it!
Bush has totally fucked this country up the ass with no lube....we need change!
I think and hope OBAMA is that change!

GOOD LUCK OBAMA!!

GO VOTE!!!!!!

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October 8th, 2008
10:05 pm
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is this day over yet......
why would someone steal prescription safety glasses....see its this kinda shit thats going to lead to you hearing about me on the news......GRRRRRRRRRRR! I HATE PEOPLE....well most of them except for the one that keeps talking to me right now he seems very nice I just might meet him......and my car is fucked up....stupid electrical problem....and I owe a doctor there money and they are starting to get pissed! and now the batteries in my mouse are dead....so thats it im going to bed...this day is officially over...buh bbye!

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October 5th, 2008
06:31 pm
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I actually downloaded the new kids cd...wow....never thought I would like them again......never say never I guess! you go boys!

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September 16th, 2008
10:20 pm
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New things are afoot.....
welpers btw lj world I moved into my new apartment! yes I still need some stuff but I will eventually get it with the money i saved and didnt give to my parents...no offense i love my parents but i saved for so long i b danged if im putting the savings towards something that really didnt change my living situation...was it a bad situation no but it was a stressful one...no one should have rules they dont agree with forced on them until there almost 30 no one...but out of respect for there house and rules for the most part i abided by them.....but now im on my own and on my way to being very poor but on my own none the less....and if lil random dude wants to make more comments i will just have him blocked thanks....i might not have the interenet for a bit we shall see I think after this windstorm they will prolly cut it off once my lights come back on......right now i am crashing with the bro since I and pretty much the rest of the city are without power....so for now i am moochin my bro's net n cable..and air conditioning...thanks bro.....welpers tis late must scoot toodles poodles!

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September 3rd, 2008
08:54 pm
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another new toy......
some may say why...I say why not..... im seventeen blocks from work no more gas...YEE-HAW! now not to kill thine self...maybe a helmet....and or lights?!?



http://www.marinbikes.com/2008/us/bikes/specs_hamilton_29er.php

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August 9th, 2008
01:07 pm
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yes I know.........
ok erybody has the little roller coaster of ups and downs....I just happen to write mine down sometimes even though they may suck I write them and then feel better.....so here is a little sumpin i did having a down moment....yes its suessy and cheesy but its how I feel sometimes....but thats ok im not there right this second....at least....


I back myself into a corner of pain and a wall of sorrow....
I sometimes wish for no tommorow!
I want so much to be set free, free from this infliction that shackles me!
Its like being in a prison in your skin, missing the life of your old friend.
I want the me that I once knew I miss her so and you do too!
this tainted place I find myself.....feels like the very depths of hell.
so easy for others so hard for me...do you feel this happening?
Do you know its happy song....is it also pulling you along?
heres what its like inside my brain a little incite of my pain.
it cant compare to the real thing thats why I just keep suffering!

Current Location: home
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: enya

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August 1st, 2008
07:36 pm
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what the ...FUCK.....everrrrrrr!
you know what i understand im not prepared and have never had rent to pay but I still thinks its stupid when im this close to moving out...and have obviously been trying and have been saving for when i do move out.....being poor there i understand being poor here in my parnets house...i dont......yes im illprepared or the sticker shock but what is a month or no months or a couple of months paying rent where the rules dont change going to teach me other than pissing me off and cleaning out my checking that im trying to save for when i move out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK IT!! now must find a place to live fucking right damn now!

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July 31st, 2008
06:56 pm
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my mom best bud just found out she has ovarian cancer.....................my bud too.............



Song lyrics | Fix You lyrics

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

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July 29th, 2008
06:31 pm
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happy birthday jj!

 or I mean.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAAAAAAAR JJAAAAAAAIIIIMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

hope its a good one!

Current Mood: sillysilly

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